PANIC ALERT

I fund myself going through a really strong panic atack and have no idea why. I am concerned for the main reason I find this one really strong and very hard to control. I cannot sleep, eat right even find myself going into meditation so hard I jumped out of my skin when Fozz-E rubbed up against me. Jake(my other fuzzy) Has gone throught his before and just looks at me like get your shit together! I seem to have so much going on at once. THe all or nithing syndrome. There is an old saying "if you travel far enough.. you will meet yourself" I am having that sort of experiance. A man who I loved and loveds me but had a scipt of life I did not has become the man I always knew he was. He is beautiful, strong and not letting life hit him down and keep him there. One other who is now relizing I never said to him anything I did not mean, has become again part of my life. Through them I see myself and wonder could I have been better. I am at a point of something big. I feel as though my old curse is about to reapear, meet someone get to know them, then loose them, by unreal or unknow events to come. I hope not. I am tired of it and really lonley. I have few friends I call family so few I only need 1 hand to count and have room left. I need them more than they relize, and I love them so much,that I do not know how to tell them. I only hope they know. SHould I ever loose them, I will truly have nothing