All good things

I am seeing thinks that are supposed to happen,as they are supposed to with some regularity now. I just returned from atrip to Lilian Alabama to see family, As far as my Aunt knows a friend of the nice lady who takes care of her ws visiting. The Alzihmers has finally taken her from us. SHe has no idea that the nice lady is her own daughter,or that she even has a brother (my DAd) never mind a nephew who loves her and is already missing her sacastic wit. I know this is the progesion of the diease, but it still hurts. God bless Dolly for the way she is given her life to both her parents for these times. She has every right to tell them both to go to hell and walk away. I wish I could say it was creul but e shared to much of the same growing up to say that. I hope I can only be more like her. I find out though on this trio I am her and she is me. No wonder I feel normal near her.Life sometimes has a way of reminding you even in times like this , it is ok to live. We took her to a Fat Tuesday Parade, caught beads and moon pies and cozzis'. She loved the parade and smiled a lot like a child. SO even now, she is living,and acually having fun at times. Thank you GOd for the wasy sometimes you take us. She has no idea of the stomach cancer, no pain, and no regrets because to her everyday is brand new, Love you Aunt.

For every action...

I seem to have forgtten that for every action there is a reaction. I have taken the action everyone was helping to go for , now it looks as though there may be a reprecussion fron the one person who pushed the hardest for this new direction. We shall just have towait and see how this plays out. I am hopeful that all in the end will come out as it shouldand I am sure it will. I am not sure of the outcome, howevere i do know it will be as it should and I will have to accept it. This is most likly just my nerves getting in the way of something new in my life. Job,Family, any change can cause these feelings. I amtruly worried though. I am getting them stronger than usall. I am trying to write this of to the fact that everytime I have an episode,those gifts of mine grow exponetaouly every time. I ttrey and get used to this, but how can you. Before all this happend, it was bad enough. Now it is off the chart. We shall see. THe finding all the new address and numbers after each trip is really getting to me. Probley nothing, but yet

Weird day and night

Been a weird couple of days. Back on the road again and loving it of course but yet feel oddly like I am out of time and place. I am watching and old axiom come true right before my eyes. If you travel far enough, you will meet yourself or one of your lives. I have run into my life from Boston and here HARD. The one I did not and sill do not like wsas the Boston one. I was two people there, who those there wanted me to b.e and who I really am. All i can say is thank God those that know me in Boston Now, KNow ME!! not that fake for family person I have learned to dislike a lot.  This life here has been like tboth in one way. I seem to come into peoples lives, then with out wanting to they leave. SOmetimes I see why I was needed sometimes don't, but I always feel empty. I especcially feel like this when it is people I then and now truly loved then and now. THere are some major exeptions were I was needed and I got to stay in there lives. I am sad to say it is very few, but they are true friends. I am so grateful for them,

Well here I am in Ocala now. Waiting for my group. they should be out in about 15 minutes. I am really getting back inot the road and loving it. Tomorrow is Lakeland, then Panama City the next day, then the weekend in West Palm. Things are looking better than they have in a while and it is really helping me. THe road is who I am and what I do best. Logistics as well but, driving is my first best destiny. I feel like a new chapter has started, and this one isn't a bad and low series in the book of my life. I am truly grateful. Now if I could learn to spell better who knows what may happen. I might even get to have a Mamosa soon. LOL got love it if I feel that good.

The road is a good thing

The road is good thing and good for me. Real good. I find the road is like a comfortable pair of jeans. I find comfort in it, long roads beatiful scenes. Sometime there are terrify ones,accidents and the like but so worth it overall. THe bad stuff reminds you are alive and human. Keeps you focused on the job at hand because next time could be you if you are stupid. If I had to pick a bad thing would be the feeling I got when I walked in the house COLD. I do not if it is because he is  bit jealous of me being back out or not.

back to the 80's and country

Well at least I am listening to normal music again. A nice long walk helped a lot. I like to focus on something and quiet my mind as much as possable. Sometimes having an always on mind causes problem. Like getting to much in SPAM in the mail box. Lucklt I have some lightning roads in my life to keep me grounded and not loose it completly. Today I even added one. Felt good and right to make it a rod for my mind to focus on. Was not sure it would take the focus I can sometimes throw. It did. I am at least for now, back in the right head space for the job tonight. 50 lives in my hands is a lot diffrent than the truck.

is this all there is.. NO

ALways nervous when I find nyself lisiting to Rob Zombie stuff. Means mind is somewhere it shouldn't be. I am sure I will fiqure out why. There is more after this and more while I am here. I was reminded of that and it helped me stay focused on I have to be happy with my life, and who I am before I can be happy to other. I have achived the first and like who I am. The rest will unfold as life does. I will be where and when I need to and with who I am supposed to be. I have learned this painfully over my life. That some will be there just a short time and I will loose them but the impression is forever. Other are in my life even when not around me phsicaly. So life goes foward and I am looking foward to the ride. As my favorite saying goes God said it would be worth it .. He did not say it would be worth it

another day

I am asked why I drive. I give the appearance of  a home body sometimes. I guess I tend to agree to a point. What people do not know,and sometimes choose not to understand, is my spirit needs to be wandering. It as though I am on a mission. Today,a person who deserves the title of being called my brother even more so than my real brother,Reminded me of why I can travel and be OK with it. My ties to my sanity are not through things they are from bonds that defy explanation by know science. Connections some would call psychic,others witchcraft or nonsence. I have learned this stuff is real and have since I was very young. All my mothers family are gifted this way. I have learned later in life, My Dad as well. Due to them not bulding crazy stories of it, or saying it was wrong we were in fact encourage to use these gifts and develop them. They have great ups and some really bad downs. Example being, in a crowded room. I can feel all the people, If in a situation like Southern Decadence, when emotions are hi and loose, I cannot control the sudden onslaught of emotion,I panic attack. Leaving the room of course is option one. It is not always possable. I t is terrifing to feel so many hopes and dreams, fears and worry all at once. Thi shas let to the ties that keep me grounded and keep me .......ME       One in particualr bonded with my life forever ON SITE. He alone is the Anchor of my life here. A freind who has left ths world is my other tie down on the other side. I only hope that I am being his in some way. So to you the WOLF in my life, the world needs to know I feel you every day in every facet of my life. I am grateful. Thank you. 

I also travel to see things like the pictures above. Never be afraid to travel, learn new things and meet new people. Had I had that fear, I would have not met the man who has earned the right to be called my brother here and beyond. whatever happens.  Well time for a COCKTAIL through the special door my freind. I love you with all I am

 

Questions no Answers

Well here i sit during my first offical for pay for hire in some time. Looking foward to getting back into the swing of things. Probely will not take as long as I thought,seem to being getting right back into the swing of things with no effort. I am finding myself questioning everthing today. Happens when I have to much time to think. Mind does not want ot sut down, So I wind up going exestencial on my self. Sometimes fun because I go fantasy and science fiction, the times like today I do not enjoy. I was questioning my own exsitence. I have had 5 brushes with my friend the reper. This last time and the one before, I woke up here and asked why? My Doctor the last time said HOW???

Goes to show you my old saying is so true, Want to hear God laugh..... 

Tell him your Plans!  Sounds hard to say, but I lived through these boughts often enough to know it is true. He has a plan and when I have done my part it will be time to go, not before. This I can accept. I also no longer fear death. A strange peace comes to you when you make that relization. Lifes little trials, become...well small.

Well down to the final hour at the old job and 12 from begining the new. I usally take a day or two to get my mind right before I take a new job. I will leave the old rest then start the new. since I have down tours and busses before I thought What the Hell. I hope going against routine dosen't go against me. Ha HA. So here is to tomorrow.:-D

Ending the old begining the new

Well, today is the last day of my current job an I am working as though is wasn't Tomorrow I am of to Fayeteville NC then New York for the new one. No break which is the status quo for me. I do not like to out of work. Probably why I was so miserable during all that down time when I became sick. I enjoy working specially since I am good at what I do. The latest thing to make me nervous, in a good way but nervous, is a hopefully new friend I have met. The reason for this is he has caused a response from deep within me that I do not experience often. My "SHIELDS" went down involuntarily. So I know already he is special. Hope to find out more as I go. I have to be careful because I cannot risk my partner gettting the wrong impression. He still cannot get used to my Reading people when I meet them. Some would call it a gift worth having. I see it as a mixed blessing. People who have little contact or do not want to understand it,have sad cruel things or at the nicest called me a Witch. Having grow up so close to Salem, I take the later as a compliment.

I think the thing I am looking forward to the most is seeing the country again from the best place to see it. THE ROAD! The United States is so  beautiful,and I feel lucky to have been in all lower 48 states, and most of Canadas provinces. Well enough of this babling like a reporter looking for a story about anything. time to get my butt in gear for the day.

On the road

I am feeling good today. I am on the road in Jacksonville,with a high school in a soccor playoff. I am thrilled right now,because I will soon be working full time with my part-time job. I am happy to be back on the road again. I have not relized how much I have missed it. I am fighting off a cold or something. My roomate has this crud, and I think I am catching his bug. I have the rest of the weekend off, so I will rest. Dad and Mom hed back to Boston tomorrow in the AM. It looks like they are heading into a Noreaster. I hope they take there time going home I worry a lot when they travel. I think I have made the right choise for this point in time. I thank all my freinds and my wonderful partner for again being in my life. It makes it easier to face each day with optimism. A special thanks to a special someone in Illinois,<<<<<<EG>>>>

Doing what?!

Well it looks like I am having the usall mixed feelings about changing jobs. I am looking foward to it, no question, but find myself worring about this one. Will they replace me, and if so will he/she be qualifed to do this job. Anchor is a good strong company, and desreves the same from their employes. I already have my first trip assingment. I am to be a "push-out" drive for a trip going to New York. Simply put. I drive ahead to North Carolina,awap out with two drives(2 bus move) wait for them to come back and do it again. Should be a good break in for to get back into the feel of the "open Road" again. Looking foward to this change, and of coure the pay increase that will come with it. Dad and Mom will be heading back to Boston soon. I have this weekend free, so we will enjoy this last weekend here. I probely will not see them again till MArch early April. I think my Sister and Nephew are coming this trip. I would like to see my brother in-law as well. He will be staying in Boston to redo several rooms while they are gone. THe work will be easier with the little one out of the house for a week or two.

 

Back out again

I am looking foward to the next couple of weeks. I have turned in my notice at Anchor, and will be full time with Astro by the end of the week of 13th. I am looking foward to being on the road again. It does me real good to be out on the road. I feel free and alive. Weird to say I know, but it is what I am good at and live for. I love being free in that way. I feel special and needed. Most of my life on the road, people always asked why do a job that does not matter. I beg to differ. Drivers keep this country moving. Whether by truck or bus,everything moves by road at one time or another. Truckers keep us fed, clothed,sheltered. Next time you dought what we do, look behind Publix, Wal-Mart. Target and notice the big doors.What do you think there used for..SUVS'!? How about to back the floor of my rig level with the store floor an unload 25,000 pounds of toilet tissue. 40,000 lbs of Bacon and eggs. Milk, Soap, and those California rolls people go nuts for.

Good day even if it s raining

Well things are really going good today. The office here in Mexico Beach, as well as my main office are all happy for me and the fact I am going to be moving on in a good way. I am relieved that I will be leaving on such good terms with everybody, especially the CEO. I am real happy because I will be back in the industry I know the best. Transportation. THe company that is going to be putting me on will be a stepping stone back to trucking again I hope.They themselves have said I should treat it as such. I love doing tours and of course driving,so for now this is a good match. Well looks like Breafast is here.I am on Cenral time right now. LOL. The future is looking good. Been a while.