Well it seems that Tom is really being a pill these days. Having been home for a few days with local runs and or being home at night after a run, I have seen that it is getting harder to take care of him here. He is weaker every day. His voice is gone then he tries to do stuff on his own and all e succeeds in doing is creating a lot more work for everyone. The tough part is knowing that real busy season for me is upon us. Carl cannot pick up Tom by himself anymore than I can. That is the rub. Tom will make Carl's life hard just because he can. That is not fair to Carl or to myself. I spend my time looking forward to the road just to be able to rest. The true peace I find out there is amazing. Life actually makes sense to me out there. Stupid is easy to spot and so is Professionalism. The view changes and life is good. I do not have to get to know people, just let them see what they need to or what I choose for them to see. That can be the good thing. No way for them them to hurt me. I can remain alone as it should be with very few that will I will allow to know who and what I am. A person is good and people are Sheep. They Panic at the drop of a hat while a person will use his curiosity to learn and understand. Fix what is wrong and continue what is right. When we are Sheep Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, and Moa happen. When we are A person, Cures for disease, Flight, Computers, and those that will fight what is wrong happen. I choose to be a person.

This week has been one of local trips and no real road time. To is his usual cheerful self and I just let him rant and demand then tell him the reality of things, he then rips me a new one for there being no money. I hope it does not get nasty where I will have to sit down and show him on paper that by all rights we should be on the streets. The personal stuff for me has been cut back to the point that I have nothing. All is spent on the house and him. Regular stuff that is just frivolous. Food,Utilities,working car, Clothes for him. His cravings for Cigarettes, Pickles at $10.00 a Jar, Satellite T.V and of course a phone. The work for me has been slow and this week we will go into the hole for about 200. He cannot understand this. Simple, no work no pay. What is so damn hard to understand about that? The good news is lately he has had to finally after 11 Years start eating leftovers. I told hi flat out, if there id food to eat I WILL NOT COOK FRESH. He was surprised that the food bill went down. The bad side is now he wants all that pre-packaged crap. That is considerably more expensive and not as good for him as fresh made here at home.
His health is sliding fast. He sleeps all day and night anymore. He is up so few hours in the day. I just wish I knew what I could do. The Medical stuff keeps piling up and he just gets sicker. He hangs on for a while then gets tired of living and begins to slide. Then he gets scared he Will Die and tries to recover a bit. TO afraid to live and to afraid to Die.
The work side should be improving as we move into Spring. Looks like already for me are 2 NYC trips back to back and A Washington DC as well. Lots of the usual Spring tours and a real good Possibility of the Grand Canyon again for 3 weeks. I have also started putting feelers out for Entertainer work. The pay is good but it means months on the road. If Tom hangs on that long I cannot do it. I would by need have to be close to home. The road has been calling so strong these past few weeks. Out there I know Freedom, Peace, contentment. Life makes sense out there. Drivers are a hearty breed. Weeks on end alone or with Passengers that think they know us. They know what we let them know. When drivers get together around a Dinner table at a Truck Stop, we all have opinions. We solve he worlds problems together and act as if we have known each other all our lives. Then we climb aboard our Iron Horses and ride away. Sometimes to never see the same faces again. Many in my years have tried to become Truckers, Bussers, Travel Guides. So few can take the away from home, or the constant time with heads in Maps, Regulations, and all the we need to know to be effective out there. Then again it all makes sense to us. The Road is always there, to comfort us, Challenge us, and Yes sometimes cause us pain. Pain we understand and is not out of Malevolence to us. It is the Life on the road. When this section of my life ends, and I again must look out of the Front Door and choose. The road has a leg up. This time I may return for good and never look back