After the last posting till now, All Hell has happened. Tom the reason I had for living, Died. He passed away on June 23rd at 6:30 pm. Things have been hard to sort out after all this. I am not doing well at all. Having to remember that I MUST get out of bed. I MUST keep breathing. I do not want to but I have to. The only choice I have available is not an option for me at all. So I exist. This truly sucks. Tom was a pig, (as he called himself and proved) played on me and would get Jealous if someone looked at me in a way he did not like. Andy being the most notable exception. I am wondering what the future holds. Questioning every belief has become common place. Have even going as far as wanting to vanish of he grid. I know it can be done, just how is the problem. I want no trace left if I go that route. Not that many would miss me or even care. Just another Gay Trucker lost in the 10's of thousands of miles of roads. Hmm, maybe not so hard after all. Time is passing slowly, and all that is for me now is an empty house. I lost my Fozz-E-Bear on March 31st, Thom on June 23rd, and Jake may be not far behind, I hope that things get better soon. I hope that this wanting to just stop breathing passes. I do not though see it happining