Well it seems these day have been both an enigma and yet so simple indeed to understand. The Enigma is where do I go from here?  The Simple is just to enjoy the passing of time and the simple yet needed pleasures that make life enjoyable.

  One of those simple pleasures was so easily seen yesterday in Key West. I took the city bus into Key West from Big Pine Key and just enjoyed the view and being the passenger. Walked Duval and Truman Streets. Enjoyed Milky Way Cappuccino, and a Banana Nut Muffin. Shortly thereafter, a nice stroll to the Sunset Pier. A Carnival cruise ship was in and unloading tourists for the stop off the day.

This may not seem like a lot to someone, aside from that I was alone. Walking the streets of places I go alone is not unusual. Today was very different. The presence of Thom was with me everywhere I went. The Sandals on my feet, the cane I used, were all his. This bizarre sheepish grin on my face all morning, and early afternoon.  Even in front of 808 Duval I broke into dance with a song from the backstreet boys with other people there on Duval Street for crying out loud. So much fun. Well, it got better even than that.  The afternoon and early evening was with “family”. Real family. The kind you would give your life for.

 Bruce and his Husband Paul are such people. The time together just being, was priceless to me and they may never know how much they made the day just perfect. So long it has been since I could honestly say, “Today is a good day to Die”. I do now and always will be grateful for the joy and peace they bring to my life. Thank you for a perfect day in evryway.

Today has been a tough day with mowing the lawn and all the Laundry from the week but I got through it. Tonight, well actually this evening I pack for a 5 day the Keys. I have made more than a few people upset with me "overdoing" it here at the house and on the road with my health the way it is right now, but sad to say, I am here there not. I must have money to eat. Being a White US Citizen, and Male I am screwed when it come to getting help in a timely manner from SSI. I do not expect anything to be easy with them to say the least. I am sure I will get it but how many hoops to jump through is truly a different story. 
   The Lawn went well. Took Several breaks for water and all plus added Salt now and then. When finished I got to the house, hosed off real good, then ran the errands I needed to have done prior to departure for the Keys. Then I went to Petsmart to check out the adoption's that may have been there. OH MY WORD!, there were so many. Today in Tallahassee was Tails and Trails. So all the big guns were out. The most beautiful 8 year old LAb was there an I almost took him home. He needs a good home to grow old in and I have the one for him. Still on the road a lot right now, it is not a good idea. I will be keeping my eye on him and his progress for sure.
  The Leather side of me is disappointed that IML is not an option this year. Could very well be the last one I am ever able to attend. Mama is going to be there, and of course it is her Birthday.I so wanted to see her and let her know that here "wolf Trucker" is OK and making it. 
  I hope soon to be off the road for at least a while to truly get a chance to recover, but we shall see

WOW!  The difference a few months can make. I had spent sometime going over old blogs and realized I was heading for a date with a gun to the head if not worse. I would have seen it as an answer in that state of mind no question.
  Well during a trip leading up to Easter Weekend, I had a real bad scare. I got super sick and barley made it back to the Barn. Then on top of that, I booked off the next few days, which I NEVER do. I spent Good Friday, and Easter weekend at home. Dad was coming down from Boston soon and I was glad. Dad is my best friend and I needed him to talk to. Well the Best Friend did not show but my Father DID. Turned out I needed him more than a friend. We have always been upfront with each other in my years since teenager. He knows how bad things are or how good. He can ask me questions and knows I won't hold back. This is needed. Mom did not come down this time. I love my Mom, but Dad and I could not have been as open or frank if she had been here. We covered and amazing amount of territory over the 9 days he was here. The results are good.
  I am going into retirement, and shutting down my life on the road. Thirty Years and 4 Million Miles is long enough. Pretty neat for 45 years old. The body is showing the abuse of the road and almost 20 years of HIV/AIDS related problems and it is time. I will always tell wanna be Truckers something along this line. The road will reject you almost right away if she does not like you. However, if she likes you, she asks for only one thing in return......YOUR LIFE!  I made a good living on the road. Bought a house, ran a successful trucking company that I owned,and when it came time, made sure Thom could die at home.
  Dad showed me that now it is time to look after me and do what Thom did not do. Live a life after working. Thom worked until he couldn't, and I always will respect that choice. The time after he could not work was all decline. Slow loss of all function and at the end total dependence on friends and I. I did have my days where I wanted to run and run fast, but stuck it out because he was my Mate. Thom would hate to see me go the same way. Dad as much said so. So the new life is in the beginning  stages. 
     First is to back away from the road. That is already happening. Next is to get on SSI, I need to go that route sadly as the body is truly not in great shape. I am 40+ pounds under weight right now, and have trouble getting around. The house is still an issue but not like it was. I could walk a way and be OK with it. Strange in fact, I am OK with all the changes that are needed. Thom is probably looking down and saying about time. The 5th Wheel is a good size and comfortable. Southern Comfort Camp is a great place, and has great people in it Full Time, and those that come on weekends. 
   I am at peace there. Welcome, and taking care of. I get to cook again. Relax when I need it or "putter" when I want to. The hardest part has been to finally let people not just offer the help, but actually take it. Should be a needed change, strange for me, but needed, and actually welcomed.