Alone and Again I wonder

Well here I sit at home. Was wanting to go to the woods. He blew his stack and to keep the peace I stayed behind. This is getting beyond the point where he is enough to keep me here. I know myself well enough to know this. I will not leave. I was brought out by Old Guard. Honor above all else. Truth to yourself. That sounds so archaic in todays world. It is who I am so .....oh well. 

  Again I walked. Only the park area. There it happened again. A solatary Fox just enjoying the creek near the house. I live in the City but my neigborhoods unique style allows for animals to come deep into the city and out along a river bed. We stood looking at each other for a long while. Then calmly it retreated to the woods like it was leaving  a friend after a good long talk. The dogs are restless too. Jake especially. We know each other after 11 years. He knows the run instinct in me is strong. He cannot anymore. Wants to but cannot. I am here in a Small house that to me seems like a Palace with way to many rooms. Even last night our bed seemed enourmous. What the hell to do

Lfe moves as it will

Life has a way of reminding you how small you are,as well as how powerful you can be in this world. Once again I found myself in the position of a paid Vacation. The group went to Montreat North Carolina. As usual because of limited space for a large veichle, I stayed in Black Mountain about 3 miles away. With that kind of time, boredom can take over. Well that is where thanks to a special friend comes in. He reminded me about the power of life around me and the gifts that make us special.  So I trekked out into the woods. The trails around there are incredible. The Beauty is like no other place on earth. Shortly after I was able to hook up with a friend I know and we went back to his house to catch up. His place is on the river, and is a nice little retreat. While sitting on the bank, it happened again. The reminder of who I am. My name is no accident. Wolf fits and is a name that I grew with. Now it is the only name I respond to. While sitting there, a Fox came out of the woods on the opposite side and came down to the water. Such a beautiful member of the canine species. Kindred to the Wolf. It looked up as it realized that we where there. After looking straight into my eyes it, I felt as though we talked. He went back to a drink, and stayed there for a bit. When he had his fill, looked my way again, then trotted of in no particular hurry into the woods. Shortly there after, while walking the river Bank, It happened again. It was at that point my friend asked,"What is it with you and Animals?" Valid question for the event. That was the reminder of why I go to places like that. I have always been drawn to animals, not humans. In fact I fear humans. Strange thing to say but ,it is who I am.   Thus began an interesting few days. After these encounters, the path had been set for an interesting trip. What followed was spiritual.    While chatting with a friend on-line, we grew closer than I thought possible. I learned weshare so much. He will be on the road for a while so I will not be able to talk to him for about a week. That is OK because I carry him in my heart.  A special Soul with a marvelous heart, also got closer to me. VERY close. The reason I feel that it was needed at this timeis for what came later.  The 16th was 6 years since the ceremony that made me Tom's.  Resent events however, have led to the leash getting loose. Very loose.   I got in from Black Mountain,unloaded the coach,picked up Tom and the Dogs and left for the Camp. Being our anniversary, I wanted it to be special. Instead I felt like the leash had broken free. I hope that I am wrong.The events of the previous week have said otherwise. The Fox, alone in the woods at the river. My friends commenting on the Solitary nature of my life. Then this. I felt alone in my own bed with him. Am I crazy or is a change coming. Who knows. This much is certain. THe only reason I come back to Tallahassee, is him and the dogs. Mostly him because the dogs can travel with me.  Should the leash have truly been let go then where does that leave a wanderer. A Gypsy that in the back of the soul needs a grounding point. I have been lost on the road before. BIG DEAL. Lately I have been needing , what I do not know. However, the spirit in me knows this. The Wolf MUST be part of a pack. It is our nature. We can exist as a lone soul wandering,but we find ourselves lacking. There is one soul out there I must meet. I hope soon. Although we chat often and it always does me well to see him on-line. I need to feel his presence to know him as I should. Someday it will happen.    I am heading back to the woods I hope tomorrow if work is as slow as they think it is going to be. There will be no one there and I can have the dogs with me loose and naked in the woods. Freeing my mind in the sounds and smells of the deep woods, feeling and knowing that answers I seek will come if I Listen well. So here is to those answers. I am lost and need to know where to go. This Wolf is tired of being used so much. When I need, no one is there, not even Tom.

Fearful

The HArdest part of life is the Living. So a good friend of mine once said. His wisdom was undeniable. The way he lived proved that. He was not rich in money. However he was rich in ways that inspire his freinds and myself to live as he did. Feeling of want can cloud this from time totime and can lead you away from knowing who you are. Never loose that sence. Should you, you can be led by anyone to do anything.  Always be true to who you are. Not what others want you to be.

Regreats?

Once again I see the United States in real trouble. Today the lead 11 minutes of the news was friggin PARIS HILTON. Enough of that spoiled brat. We are at war, soldiers are dying, The Space Shuttle went into orbit. A Murderer is caught and the lead story? You got it..Paris Hilton. I see that I am going to have to do what I did during the Anna Nicole thing. Radio on Music only, TV off. I am sure that there are going to be enough people who will make sure I here about her wether or not I want to.    What a sad state of affairs, when Someone like Anna Nicole or Paris, are raised up as some sort of Icon.  Personally, I am beyond offended, and quite frankly pity them. Celebrity for being a Celebrity is beyound me. Are things so bad that we must loose ourselves in the likes of Roise, Paris and Anna Nicole. There are so many more important things  to concern with ad focus energy to. Like looking to the younger in our own community and helping them walk an easier road than we did.   I belive that it is our DUTY, to help others.