Here I sit in the parking lot of Sea World in Orlando Florida. Way to much time to look back on a life that is beginning to enter the final stages of being. I look at a failed existence. I used to matter. Owned my own buisness, had a HOME not a house that I was proud of and a real family. Thom was the biggest success of my life. He loved me, and Yes we had our troubles, everyone does, he was my life. Our beautiful Dogs Jake and Fozz-E-Bear, our own little family. Then came the punch line. Thom has two heart attacks that trigger a down slide he would never come back from. Fozz-E passes then Thom, then a year later Jake. My World all gone except for the ever present Road. Even that now looks as though it will be taking away from me, soon, as well as my very life. No real loss when I look at it. What mark have I left, what legacy of ANY kind has this soul left that will be more than a name on a Death Certificate. NONE!  I will be just a name that in time will be forgotten and the names of those I was trusted with to keep there Memories alive. Thom, Casey, Bill, Rob, Robert, Billy, Lucy, Dana, and the list goes on. There are those that will see my passing as a good thing, just another dead faggot. Some family will morn, briefly, then I will be a dust off thought for Holidays. Never a Best man, never a God Father, never a Father. Hell it is doubtful that this will ever be read and will be lost to cyberspace and time. Just the rantings of a guy who needed an outlet for what he was thinking and feeling. Not that anyone cares or would care. I leave this entry with one regret. I never told Bruce how I felt when I should have. Who knows where I would have been, or if I would have even gotten AIDS. However, I will say this. Bruce did far better than me. Paul is everything I could be and more than I could ever be. Paul to you I leave a wish, Care for him as if he is your own life. He is worth it and will NEVER let you down. I leave to you both my love and my hopes that a World better than it is now will be there for you always.