Tampa is such a nice city. Somewhat clean and easy to get around in. However, it can also be cold and lonely even more so than that empty house of mine. Jason walks out and despite the relief I fell on one hand, I feel rejection like never before. When Thom died there was finality. We saw through to the end together, and as he wanted it, in his terms. Jason walks out to an ex and leads me to think (know) it was more than being a trucker’s partner. His ex makes more money, bigger home in a gated community, and freedom to play as he wants. That hurts more than if we fought all the time, or if we truly did not like each other. Thousand sin rent and car repairs, a new phone. Spending money and Cigarettes as he needed them. WOW what a fool I was for believing again in Life. SO be it. To face him that Sunday night full suppression of my emotions seemed needed. SURPRISE, my mind had already done it, this time I think for good. Who the hell needs them anyway? I find them interfering in normal operations of a day. Getting in the way of Logic and reason for a “feeling” that is nothing more than an illusion of our own creation. If they never come back…….GREAT! Who the hell needs them.

  The road is not much of a companion this trip. The road is still home and a true companion to me, it is the down time that gets me. So much time to think, re-think, and think some more. Jason, naturally consumed a lot of that time. Well that is now over and done and the “feelings” have been buried. As they should be. So the road has again brought me the peace I need in it’s usual way, HARD REALITY! He left me for perceived greener grass. Good luck and God Speed Jason. May life be kinder to you than it, and you were to me.  

  The ”some would say” darker side of my being has been allowed to surface. There it will stay. My Black Wolf will now run things as it most likely always should have.