another birthday

Today has been good overall. Good group on tour here in Washington DC. Spending Independence Day in the Nations Capitol, and of course my Birthday,

  The hard part has been that Tom has not called all day and all I get is hi voice mail. Not that I am surprised, he is in the woods camping. The fact he did not call me really makes me wonder. I heard from Mom and Dad of course. Several Aunts and Uncles, as well as Sister and Brother. Steve the blonde version of me called. Will and Keith called. My god they called and not Tom. The bus group sang Happy Birthday. They found out when the heard my dad on the speaker phone when I thought the bus was empty. HIM nothing. He is going though some hard and difficult changes in his body. This has to be affecting him mentally as well. It is as he is living his life as though I am not here. I am a guest when home, at least that is how it feels at times.  Wondering where I stand is also not good. Leaving him is not an option. To me anyway. He would have to say it and mean it. There are those moments he will grab on to me in the night and hang on for dear life. Then get up in the morning and....nothing. He will go out of his way to avoid me at times and even act as though I am in the way. I love him deeply and worry about him. Just wish I knew what was going in in that head of his. I think thats the problem, he is using the wrong one.