So long it seems in to short a time

Well has been an interesting run to say the least. Seems that BOA is still trying to get the house even though the loan was illegal, they just don’t care. Last night I had a fire here at home.(AKA the Campground) for the second anniversary of Thom’s passing. He so loved a good fire and last night was perfect for it. How fitting, that it was just the Fire, Thom’s spirit, and me. No one came to the Fire, so it was just the two of us. Thom’s Memory and I. Things should be getting easier, but there not. I miss him more and more every day.  I always go back to the fact that I have been walked out on by all but him. He stuck it out. The good, the bad, and Lord knows the ugly. Was he perfect?  LOL, not by a long shot. He loved to play, and hunt so to speak. He did come home and sleep with just me when it was all said and done. I knew he was like this before I said Yes to him. I had my troubles at times with it but kept going because he did, and bottom line, he did truly Love me.

  I am trying these days to get myself on Disability. Lord knows I am qualified and ready now but I have some things working against me. I am a White Male, and born here in the United States, and of course I have ethics. So who knows how long it could take. I have been told off the record if I was from India or Mexico, I would be on it tomorrow. The other trick isif I was already on unemployment. Seems that as the 99 weeks runs out, the recipients are transferring to Disability and GETTING IT!  Well that of course has the side effect of for those that need it, cannot get it. I finds myself looking to get long haul work again. I would prefer Entertainer Coaches, but if I have to go back to Trucking, I will. I still have to support myself whether it be on disability, or working till I drop, like Thom did. Seems that the choices are slowly narrowing. There is nothing worse than having your back pushed up against the wall.

 There of course, has been good as well. I got one of those Paid Vacation Trips I enjoy so much. To the Florida Keys. Big Pine to be exact. Well, having a few days off I caught the City Transit into Key West and made a day of it. While there I danced in the Street singing to Backstreet Boys with some Cruise ship people. Later that afternoon, I met up with Great friends for a late lunch and some good time together on Duval Street. I felt like my old self for a while. The broken down trucker with 4 Million miles on him melted away, and I was enjoying life. That night back at the Motel in Big Pine, I realized that a lot of the pictures from the day I had this bizarre shit eating grin on my face. Did not take long to come to the conclusion that Thom in Sprit, had been with me all day long and was there beside me walking Key West. Felt so good to know he drops in from time to time to check up on me. I have tried dating as he wanted me to but…..

My God, I have never been so disenchanted by people in my life. It was all about them, not what I may even be thinking let alone wanted. I guess Loyalty and Love mattered only to the one man who Stayed. Will, Keith, both left me cold. One I had to make it look like I left, or it was going to kill us both. They led me to Thom. We went through Life and Death together. Mine and his. As bad as things got in 2004-05, he stayed and cared for me. I still feel a guilt that he saved my life, and in the end, all I could do was help him let go of his. Still bothers me to this day. I knew he could not get better as did he. Still I feel as though I let him down. I only hope to know love again before my time